She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
