just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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