So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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