My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
