It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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