its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
