I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
