How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
