i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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