office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
