I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
