If i come over, it means nothing
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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