I want to make a zoo with you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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