i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
