please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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