She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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