During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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