my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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