Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
