Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
