We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
