grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
