I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
