I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
