a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
