watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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