he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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