i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
