Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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