there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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