He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
