Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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