After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
