remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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