I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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