I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
