Are we in a gay sports bar?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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