drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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