i was born a porn star she said
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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