Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
