Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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