I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
