I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
