I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The struggles of a small town man whore
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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