Your face is a jimmy john
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
