Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
