listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Say something about gay babies.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
