so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
