he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
