Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
