ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
