2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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