She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
