When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
