I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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