the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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