So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My dick has a subreddit
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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