Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
