You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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