not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
