oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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