I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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